Who's Scarier than the Boogyman? Russia, of Course
by Kawaii Seishin
Summary: Since I didn't feel like changing the rating on Russian Lullabies, so I made this into a short story! Warning: Bad language! Slight FrUk...Colony America and Russia's lullabies...Who's scarier, the boogyman or Russia?


_**Disclaimer:**_** If I owned Hetalia, there would be lots and lots and lots of FrUK! **

_**Note:**_** I wanted to keep the Russian Lullabies rating so everyone could read yet, but I wanted to add this to it so I just made another story.**

_**WARNINGS:**_** Very bad language and implied c-word and Russia and France being themselves**

-x-

"England? Please, don't me leave alone with Russia," Chibi America whimpered, pulling the sky blue sheets tighter.

"Don't worry," The Brit chuckled, ruffling America's paper thin hair. "Russia is a...neighbor of mine...who knows how to cure the nightmares." And I'm going out drinking with the frog, England added in his mind.

"But, the Russia's scarier than boogyman!"

"See! He'll keep your mind off the boogyman," England smiled. "I promise, the boogyman won't get you with Russia here." He leaned down and kissed the America's forehead. "I love you, my son," He mumbled.

"America! England!" A voice boomed as the cabin door was kicked open by combat boot, the dark air flooding behind him. A chainsaw mashed its teeth and rumbled as gloved hands pulled the iron fetters back as the looming figure charged inside. A hockey mask concealed the face in a vicious scowl as the voice growled again and the grey apron was stained with red. America dove under the plaid covers and England ducked behind the bedpost, cowering and quivering in fear.

"Oh, why are you hiding, England? Aren't you going on your date, da?" A meaty hand tugged off the mask, reveling two perky, violet eyes and a mouth twisted into a smile.

"Russia?" America asked, daring to peak out of the sheets.

"Who else?" He smirked, his teeth glittering like fangs.

"Oh, good to see you, Ivan," England muttered, standing up and brushing the dirt off his suit and striped tie. "Now if you excuse me-"

"England! Don't go!" America whined, just as the door slammed. Perfect timing.

Slithering over to the trundle bed, Russia smiled, laying down his chainsaw politely at the door as well as his...red splattered butcher's apron.

"Russia, why did you bring a chainsaw?" The chibi nation asked, still shaking in fear.

"Ugh, Airport security is a pain in the ass, da? The wouldn't let me store it in my bag so I just had to carry it," He sighed, stretching his burly shoulders.

"Oh..." America trembled. "England told me that you scare away the boogyman; is it true?"

"Yes," Russia smiled, manically, a dark aura surrounded the larger nation as his eyes became...scary twinkles. "In Russia, children scare boogymen away."

"What do the adults do?"

"Avoid the children," Russia said. " Anyway, I sing lullaby to make you shut up and sleep. Any requests?"

"Um, how about Humpty Dumpty," America implied, finally getting the courage to sit up.

"Okay!" The Russian smiled.

"Humpty Dumpty was a dick

Humpty Dumpty fell like a prick

And all the hos and all the sluts

Sat on his body of which they fucked," He ended, flashing his creepy smile as America trembled and slunk back under the covers.

"That doesn't sound like Humpty Dumpty, Russia."

"That's how I learned it. There's a very dirty version that Ukraine taught me too! But you're too young for that. Any other suggestions?"

"Hush Little Baby? Do you know that?"

"Of course I do!" Russia laughed. "Most everyone in country know that!" Humming a tune, he started:

"Hush little baby, shut your mouth

I'll kick your ass way down south

And if my kick isn't that hard

I'll boil you alive in pigs' lard

And if that lard doesn't burn

I'll find you a teacher that is so stern

And if that teacher doesn't scorn

I'll buy you a magazine with lots of porn"

"I like the porn part..." America mumbled.

"And if the porn scares you so

I'll sell you a twenty-dollar ho

And if that ho doesn't strip

I'll get you a birdie for you to flip

And if that birdie don't bring you happiness

I'll castrate your tiny penis"

Chibi America winced.

"And if that castrate doesn't hurt

I'll bury you underneath lots of dirt

And if you don't die before I dig you up

I'm poison you with an ice cream cup

And if you manage to survive

I'll shove your face into a beehive

And if that bee hive doesn't sting

I'll give you a girl that wants a fling

And if that sex isn't good

I'll abandon you in the icy wood

And if the woods aren't really cold

I'll give you a scorpion for you to hold

And if that buggy isn't punk

I'll let you lick Japan's c-"

"Russia! Please, stop being so vulgar!" America covered his ears with his hands.

"I was going say 'chunk'." He sighed. "Do you want another song-"

"No!" The chibi shouted, slamming the pillow above his head hopping to block out the noise.

Just then, Russia's black cell phone let out an ear-shattering ring. He picked it up tenderly with his pale hand and flipped it open.

"Ello?"

"Hey...Mr. Unicorn? Is that you?" A voice hiccupped.

"England, this is you, da?"

"Ohmygosh! Why does the fuckin' unicorn know my name!" He slur-shouted. Russia then heard something taking the phone from the drunk Brit and protests like "Give me my fuckin phone, you bloody wanker!" and "You're too drunk, _mon Angleterre_."

"France?"

"_Bonjour_! We have a little _problèm_e, Ivan. _Angleterre_ is drunk off his ass and will be staying at my house tonight."

Russia could almost see France's smile.

"So would you mind keeping his _petit garçon_ company for the night?"

"Sure!" Russia smirked, seeing America's terrified face. "When will England be back?"

"Probably about 11 o'clock tomorrow morning...or night." Again, Russia could see France's smile.

"Okay!" He laughed, closing his phone and facing America.

"Ready for some more fun?" America silently prayed to any god that might hear him as Russia began another lullaby.

-x-

Hehe…MIGHT make a sequel if I get enough reviews…tell me what do you think Russia's going to do to Chibi America! Free internet candy for reviews! 


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